“I’m maybe not into Asian guys.” I’m able to attribute this quote to several friends and acquaintances, and the funny thing is, most of them were Asian.
Which begs the relevant concern: why? We sometimes ask that aloud. Usually the response could be a non-answer: silence, a subject change or “ I don’t just know, I’m maybe not into them.”
I’m not saying that Asians alone are responsible of rejecting men that are asian. If any such thing, we’re likelier than many other groups to offer them a chance. Nor should we feel obligated to constrain our options to men that are asian. But all too often, Asians are because responsible as anybody in refusing to see men that are asian sexual partners. And so they don’t question why.
Maybe it is unfair of me to assume that which you suggest whenever you say you’re maybe not into Asian men. But having been fed stereotypes about Asian men again and again, it is easy to put two and two together. What may indeed seem like a non-preference that is harmless folks of your very own battle may actually just function as result of internalized self-racism.
Evidently as Asians, our company is, being a collective, small, effeminate and meek. This implies me once — are “real ladies,” with tight fits, small, pliable bodies and no opinions that we asian women — as an Uber driver told.
The guys, meanwhile, aren’t manly sufficient. They’re supposedly perhaps not “well endowed,” and as Asians, they’ve been raised to be submissive and quiet. Useful characteristics for females, ergo our charm! But not therefore for males.
Perhaps you get into other myths about Asians. That we’re homophobic and racist. That we’re book-smart but away from touch with politics. That individuals aren’t innovative or conversationalists that are good. Those are unattractive qualities. But simply as these stereotypes never define you, they don’t define the males who look like you.
You may already know that these stereotypes are nonsense. You may protest that you’re not into Asian men maybe not because you’re racist. How can you be, anyhow, whenever you yourself are Asian? It is just a preference that is natural you love “manly men,” you can’t help it to, and besides, you have Asian male friends. You’re just not thinking about sex using them.
It’s worth every penny, however, to take a moment to examine this “natural” choice for non-Asian guys. To acknowledge that somewhere deep down, you might have internalized these stereotypes and that rejecting men for their ethnicity, because they’re Asian, is racism. To also examine the factors that are sociocultural spent my youth with and realize that it’s maybe not entirely your fault.
Growing up, most of the media I ingested was at English, so most of the male that is romantic I was familiar with were white guys in white films. My experience with Asian males (or males really) was mostly limited to family members and immature pubescent boys within my predominantly Korean college. Therefore the white fictional characters I felt male partners should be that I fell in love with were my models for how.
When there were Asian male figures in Western media, they were typically a source of comic relief — sometimes unpleasant — or some sort of professional ( just like a physician) who was just about a prop that is expositional. They were at most useful likable, at stereotypical that is worst. They were seldom romantic, hardly ever sexy.
It’s true that, United states media aside, the globe is now keen on Asian entertainment. But also representation within Asian media actually leaves one thing to be desired. In Korea, you can find only a wide variety of types of figures entertainment industries prefer, and lately, they like their guys slim and androgynous. Which could feed in to the misconception that Asian males are inherently effeminate and small. Possibly that sort of physicality doesn’t positive singles sign in attract you. But understand that these guys are merely a sliver of the Asian population that is male.
You could also want to ask yourselves: you interested in? White men if you’re not interested in Asian men, who are? That’s element of why men that are white therefore obsessed with Asian women, after all — evidently using them, we’re effortless. And all sorts of all too often, for Asian women with conservative families, they’re the only real other group that is racial we could get away with marrying.
The ugly truth is, some of our friends and family see having white friends as some form of social advancement. Oh, you have got white friends in university? You’re therefore cultured. You’re dating a man that is white? Wow [Average Joe] is so handsome, you’re therefore lucky, i would like one too.
Maybe you’re turned off by the notion of marrying into a family members that takes traditions you’re no further in touch with seriously. Maybe you spent my youth in a neighborhood that is predominantly white like what’s familiar.
Or possibly you’re making a conscious, well-meaning choice to reject the toxic obsession with so-called bloodstream purity that pervades a number of our cultures. Maybe you’re maybe not into Asian guys but you actually don’t like placing white guys on a pedestal either. You choose other minorities and pride yourself in being that is“rebellious “open-minded.”
But maybe it’s time to examine people as individuals. Maybe folks are a lot more than ethnicities or countries to reject or take to.
Perhaps, when you say “I’m not into Asian men,” you’re reinforcing myths that are harmful men who seem like you. Possibly you’re also reinforcing myths about yourself. Perhaps it’s time you realize: Asian men can be as sexy as other guys. And once you’ve recognized that, remind your self you, being an Asian, could be sexy too.
Sarah Y. Kim is just a junior double-majoring in composing Seminars and International Studies from Walnut Creek, Calif. She’s the Views Editor.